Meeting Critiques

Each month songs of members are critiqued at the 1st Thursday workshop. Winners each month are published in Songwriters Notes. Members only may enter up to 2 songs per month (or more if time allows) by going to this link https://dallassongwriters.org/song-critique/ to enter the lyric and audio file or you may upload the lyric and perform the song live at the meeting. Time is limited to the review of 8 songs per meeting on a first come basis. (If we run out of time, the songs will be moved to next meeting). Members will have until the end of November to rewrite and record their song before it is sent to the judge. At the end of each year, the songs are judged by industry pros and the Song of the Year is awarded to the songwriter whose song garnered the most points from the judges. Also, The Vern Dailey Songwriter of the Year Award goes to songwriter who has the most songs with the highest points in the top ten. Winners are announced at the Virtual Awards Program in February which include performances by the finalists.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

BEST SONGS OF THE MEETING 2011


SONGWRITER OF THE YEAR 2011 

Long time DSA member, James Pappas,  is Songwriter of the Year for most wins at the 2nd Tuesday meetings last year. More about James: http://dsapress.blogspot.com/2012/07/james-pappas-is-dsas-songwriter-of-year.html



SONG OF THE YEAR 2011 WINNER

Congratulations go to Casey Graham, for the winning song, "Tears for Joanna." It was Casey's first song submitted to the 2nd Tuesday Critics. Read more about Casey in this article: http://dsapress.blogspot.com/2012/08/tears-for-departing-member-seattle.html

Our judge was Zane Williams, the amazing singer/songwriter who brought a 2nd Tuesday program earlier this year. Zane somehow crammed in judging and commenting on our 2011 Critique Winners between gigging all around North Texas, trips to Nashville, starring spots on Troubadour, TX, and being a daddy and a husband and a human being. He got his comments back to us somewhere between Texas and Utah, where he is today.

COMMENTS FROM SONG OF YEAR JUDGE ZANE WILLIAMS:

My picks are:
1.  Tears for Joanna by Casey Graham
2.  Keep on Riding by Brooke Malouf
3.  Where Are the Daddies by Nancy Rynders

My general comments to everyone are: don’t take my choices too seriously because it’s impossible to objectively compare art to other art.  In general, my personal taste tends to skew toward honesty/believability as first priority and polish/craft as second.  That’s why I picked “Joanna” over the more commercial and polished “Keep on Riding”.  Others could have easily ranked them differently.  All of the top three are good tunes, and all of the songs have redeeming qualities about them that other people may have responded to more than I did.  My comments are a stream of consciousness….I hope you find something in them useful.  If not then ignore them and tell me to go to hell.  I have no right to judge other people’s songs, but Buck asked me to so I did my best.  I wish you all the best and I hope you believe that your greatest songs are still ahead of you!

Some general comments:

AND CHICKEN WINGS: Ahh, the finer things in life.  Intellectually I totally get what the songwriter is doing here.  Breasts, legs, and buns…all menu items as well as body parts worth ogling.  On a theoretical level it all works, but on a gut level this sonIg comes across to me as more “thought out” than sincere.  For me it’s missing the conversational believability that hit songs generally have.  For instance, this idea is not too far off from “If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me” but for me a laundry list of “breasts, legs, buns, beer, smiles and chicken wings” comes across as more calculated and a little crass.  Having said all that, I’m sure it gets some good laughs live and it definitely has a clever chorus that’s memorable  has good entertainment value.

KEEP ON RIDING: This song has a lot of elements of a mainstream country hit.  The opening line hooks you into the story, and the first verse establishes empathy with the main character and sets up the chorus.  The chorus soars with a melody that is repetitive enough to make it easy to sing along to.  The hook line “Keep on ridin’” is made more impactful by the fact that it is shorter than the other lines and rhymes with “horizon” which is a cool rhyme that the listener probably didn’t see coming.  Someone hollering “horse rides fifty dollars” in the second verse seems a little bit odd…I know it rhymes, but there might be something more natural to put in there since people normally have prices posted on a sign instead of hollering them randomly at customers.  I like the “biggest sin was never trying again” line and wonder if the line before it could set it up a little better.  It might also be nice to work in more sensory imagery in the verses….sights, sounds, or smells…to put the listener more into the scene.  On the bridge I thought if it said “hear her grandpa’s voice again, sayin’” it would be simpler and would rhyme.  To sum up, I think this has a lot of the elements of hit writing but still comes across as a little more “intellectually thought out” than honestly felt.  I would say to the writer…you know how a song should be put together, now go and relax and write something that is a pure and genuine outpouring of the heart where you can mean every word and sing every line with 100% sincerity.  Go for something off the cuff, honest and real, and the songwriting craft that you have developed will kick in naturally by itself.  Oh, and good sounding demo/singer.

TEARS FOR JOANNA: Well I thought this was a cool tune, definitely comes across as believable.  I don’t know whether it’s a made-up story or a real event in the life of the songwriter and that means they did their job well.  I don’t understand what is meant by the line “it was the hardest luck of trying to be born” but it’s quite possible that I’m just dense and missing it.  All in all I feel like this is a poignant tune about an interesting character.  A good example of how all you need is a simple, clean recording of the song to get it across.

SMALL TOWN GIRL: In general, this is a well executed country song.  It has a simple theme that is easily communicated and remembered.  (“I’m a road weary musician who just want’s a small town girl’s lovin’”.)  I’m not sure people really say “all the miles that we have gone”.  I feel like maybe it should be all the miles we have run, or come.  Or you could say “all the miles that have come and gone”.  I think it’s cool how you turn “Small Town” into the proper name of the girl in the hook line.  On the bridge, the phrase “that can only be provided” doesn’t sound conversational enough to me.  I might try something like “things in this ole world/you can only get from a small town girl”.  Always listen to that little voice in your head that says a certain line could be better, and give yourself time to come up with the perfect line.  I’m not saying my suggestions ARE the perfect line by the way, I’m just throwing out examples of other options.  In the end it’s your heart and your gut that tell you when you’ve written the best line you can or when there’s something better out there.  While this song does a good job of keeping things simple and is likeable as a result, I’m not sure that it’s catchy enough to REALLY stand out and scream “I’m a hit”.  On the next one you write, I would try to incorporate the same elements of craft but try to think a little outside the box and make it even more honest and personal to really take things to the next level.

WHERE ARE THE DADDIES: A poignant tune that drives its point home well.  It’s well structured, with the first double verse setting the stage without being too long and then the second verse being half as long so that the listener doesn’t lose interest.  The chorus is simple and memorable, and melodically distinct from the verses, as a chorus generally should be.  The only criticism I have, which is really not a criticism as much as it is a simple observation, is that this song has a dated sound to it.  It reminds me of something Lorrie Morgan would’ve done in the 80’s or early 90’s.  As a result most Nashville publishers are probably not going to be interested….not because it’s bad at all, but just because they’re looking for the cutting edge

OUR HEAVEN ON EARTH:  The chorus soars and the hook is solid…”heaven on earth to the heaven on high”.  The verses express a heartfelt sentiment simply and conversationally as a good country song should.  I don’t have any real critique other than to say that this song sounds dated.  It’s pretty obvious that the song was written a demoed over 20 years ago.  That’s no necessarily a bad thing, but it is going to make it basically impossible to pitch to any Nashville act.  If your goal is to have it recorded by someone else I would try to find a local act who plays “classic country” and caters to an older crowd.  If I’m right about it being an old song, it also brings up the question…what have you written recently?  As hard as it is to do, it’s not good to get too caught up on old songs that never achieved the goals we hoped they would.  It’s better to let them be what they are and focus on being creative and writing new stuff you can be excited about.  I would hope that the next song you enter is something hot off the presses.

ASK YOUR HEART: First off, the tape wasn’t rewound so all I heard at first was empty space and then had to rewind it.  Gotta be careful about that because some people just won’t listen at all if your song isn’t cued up properly.  And of course if you really want to pitch a song to somebody these days it HAS to be on a CD or an mp3. 
As far as the song itself…I was a little confused as to the connection between light and dark and “asking your heart”.  I know you try to tie it all together with the verses, talking about waiting in the shadows, and shining your love light, but that’s all so abstract.  It doesn’t really hit home for me in a concrete way that I can relate to.  My final comment is that it’s strange to be entering a song that sounds like it’s probably over 20 years old in the 2012 song competition.  As a songwriter, you need to be constantly creating new stuff…good or bad, who cares?  Just new stuff!  Being creative!  That’s what it’s all about.  So I hope next year you’ll have something new to enter (on a CD).  


JAN
Ask Your Heart by Vern Dailey
Beautiful For Just A Moment by Guy Rourk

FEB
Our Heaven On Earth by Vern Dailey

MARCH
Where Are The Daddies by Nancy Rynders
A Time For Love by Michael Brandenberger

APRIL
And Chicken Wings by Will Brown
Never Together Anymore by Nancy Rynders


MAY
Tear for Joanna by Casey Graham
The Gingerbread Man by Loretta Dunnaway

JUNE
Small Town Girl by James Pappas and Roger Russell
I Let Her Get Away by Nancy Rynders

JULY
Keep on Riding by Brook Malouf
I Don't by Ray Phillips

SEPT
Dr Love by James Pappas
That's Why by Vern Dailey


OCT
Hobo Gypsy King by James Pappas
Cross My Heart by Vern Dailey


NOV
Again by James Pappas
I'm A Witness by Nancy Rynders


DEC
No Critiques at the Christmas Party



BEST SONGS OF THE MEETING CRITIQUES

Each month songs of members are critiqued at the 1st Thursday meeting. Songs that are critiqued each month are published in Songwriters Notes. Members only may enter by uploading lyric and audio file to https://dallassongwriters.org/song-critique/ or you may upload the lyric and perform the song live at the meeting. Members will have until the end of November to rewrite and record their song before it is sent to the judge. At the end of each year, the songs are judged by industry pros and the Song of the Year is awarded to the songwriter whose song garnered the most points from the judges.
Also, The Vern Dailey Songwriter of the Year Award goes to songwriter who has the most songs with the highest points in the top ten.